File it under "psychosexual political humor"...

just before Craig, Larry.

From Frank Rich's NYT column:

[When House GOP members complained about Nancy Pelosi's "partisan" bailout speech], "Barney Frank taunted his G.O.P. peers with pitch-perfect mockery: 'Somebody hurt my feelings, so I will punish the country!'
Talk about the world coming full circle. This is the same Democrat who had been slurred as 'Barney Fag' in the mid-1990s by Dick Armey, a House leader of the government-bashing Gingrich revolution that helped lower us into this debacle."

Dick Armey really turned another man's name into a homophobic slur? Dick Armey?

Quick thought on a Wednesday

Now that W. has hit a 70% disapproval rating he has stolen the mantle of the least beloved POTUS from Tricky Dick Nixon. Some might think that this proves what a national disgrace he has become. Well, most of you would think that I guess. That's why they call it disapproval. I myself admit to being less than thrilled with his handling of, well, the economy, "war on terror," protection of civil liberties, immigration, education...you get the picture. But overlooked by basically everyone has been the beautiful gift that Bush has given to this great nation.

Americans can't agree on Coke or Pepsi, college or pro, Nascar or arugula (wry smile). In case you haven't been paying attention, half of the country hates the other half. That's what I keep hearing on CNN. Apparently, we can't agree on anything. But those days are over my friends. Walk down the street and ask ten people whether Bush has been good for America or not. Seven of the ten will say no. Much like that great Republican Abraham Lincoln, Bush launched a war and united a country. Call it a pyrrhic victory if you must. But please call it a victory. It might be the only one he gets.

This will only appeal to a certain blog demographic

Best graph ever? (click to enlarge)

Dre Dre: "Forgot About Dre"
RIYL: West Coast Hip Hop, Siqqqqq Beats, Marshall Mathers, Profuse Swearing

VERY NSFW (Not Safe For Work, children, or easily shocked puppies)



Hat tip: Ezra

So that's how the Times Call earns money.

Since Bryce is no longer able to regail us with amusing anecdotes from Longmont's finest, I'll do so in his stead.

From the "A Bit Odd" section in today's paper:

"Ads too violent for Costa Rica

San Jose, Costa Rica -- The Burger King is safe, at least in Costa Rica. Government officials said Friday they have banned commercials for the hamburger chain that depict mothers trying to run over the company's plastic-headed signature character or hire a hit man to kill him because their kids prefer burgers to home-cooked meals. The vice minister of the interior, Ana Duran, said the commercials trivialized violence. Burger King is sensitive to cultural and geographic concerns wherever it operates (emphasis mine)."

Lord knows what kind of damage could have been done if the paper hadn't clarified how sensitive and culturally aware Burger King is.

Radiohead- Nude
RIYL- Radiohead. What else can you say? I'm seriously contemplating a trip to Lollapalooza just to see them headline. Well, I'm tempted in a daydream sort of way.

I have to embed this one because Thom just kills it live.

What might have been lost?

I tend to forget that I am one of the few people I know who is obsessive/compulsive about blogging. This may come as a shock to many of you since I also tend to be pretty sketchy when it comes to, you know, writing on my own blog. I often miss a few days, a week, even a month 'round these parts and consider that no big deal, but I'll be damned if I miss a Matthew Yglesias post when there is the internetz to be had.

The reason that I bring this up is that I was enjoying a new post over at one of the best blogs ever today when I realized that most of you probably don't even know that it exists. Mostly because many of you have lives, but whatev. The point is that as long as I am going to be ocd and not have a life, you might as well reap some of those benefits.

So without further ado I present to you Stuff White People Like. If you are white, know someone who is white, or see white people on the street sometimes, I can't recommend this blog highly enough. It is so hard to pick a favorite entry, so I suggest that you just read them all. I do have to confess that I myself am massively white. If this was a medical condition and not just a blog then I would have terminal whiteness. Organic whole grain pizza crust white. Vintage t-shirts wearing, corporation hating, sushi eating, indie rock listening, Barack Obama supporting white. White white white. Which of course makes me like the blog even more.

I hope you enjoy. I intend to share good finds more often. I kindly request that you do the same.

You know what? I'll start with Bon Iver:

Bon Iver- Skinny Love
RIYL- TV On the Radio acoustic, Iron & Wine, Dustin Kensrue with a falsetto

In addition to placing "now listening to" tags in all of my posts, I'm also committing to finding ways to make those tracks accessible to all of y'all. I will also be posting RIYL tags (rock if you like...) so that you have some idea what you're getting yourself into when you click on the link.

Three birds meet one stone.

Bill Bryson blogging for Bryce, Irish blogging for Travis, and immigration blogging for myself. Does the internet get any better? I submit it does not.

From Bryson's Made in America

"If one attitude can be said to characterize America's regard for immigration over the past two hundred years it is the belief that while immigration was unquestionably a wise and prescient thing in the case of one's parents or grandparents, it really ought to stop now."

Slow clap.

But here's where it really gets good:

"From the earliest days, immigrants aroused alarm and attracted epithets. For the most part, early nicknames for foreigners were only mildly abusive, or even rather backhandedly affectionate. This was particularly the case with the Irish, whose fondness for drinking and brawling and perceived lack of acquaintance with the higher mental processes inspired a number of mostly good-natured terms of derogation, so that a police station was an Irish clubhouse, a wheelbarrow was an Irish buggy, bricks were Irish confetti, and an Irish beauty was a woman with two black eyes."

Two thoughts:

1. Those don't actually seem to be all that good-natured, but maybe that's just me.
2. The Border Patrol have a type of truck that we tend to call "dog catchers" because they resemble the type of vehicle used by animal control. I don't really like using the term because it sort of implies, by default, that migrants are the dogs, but the only other term I know for such a truck is a "paddywagon," which clearly has some pretty negative connotations for the Irish. So long after the Irish are really known for being arrested in masse, whether the stereotype was true or not, the name sticks. Language is fascinating.

Another classic

From the g-mail inbox.

Two questions still plague me. How does Optimus Prime stay so young looking/sounding? What is his secret? More importantly, how does he know that I have always used "Bonecrusher" as my secret pet name for Kyle?

And a little update: I'll be out of town/contact/the countries (both Mexico and the U.S.!) in/for the next two weeks. So I'll be running phone silent, blog silent, and...well, that's about it actually. But I'll see lots of you in Colorado when I get back.

p.s.- Apparently Deanna decided to name Kyle "Bonecrusher," which only increases my deep affection for the both of them. But Kyle is losing to Deanna. Sorry buddy.

Not that there's anything wrong with that...*

This is going to be way over the heads of at least a few people who read this blog.

So this whole thing started when both Deanna and Brianne quit the facebook (which is totally fine by the way, I understand why they did it**).

I mean, it hurt a little bit that two people very close to me were just checking out of reality, but that's their choice.

But back to the issue at hand.

Being that my girlfriend had quit the facebook, and Erik's girlfriend had quit the facebook, I decided to take this once in a lifetime opportunity to marry Erik on the facebook and live happily ever after. In the "fake marriage on the internet to one of my best friends" sense of the word, of course.

So I shed a tear, changed my relationship status, and prepared to make my move on Erik. Not wanting people to rush to my side and comfort me in my fake time of need I hid the news feed story of my recent breakup.

Ok, I'll be honest. The pain was real, but it was just too soon.

Everything was going about as well as could be expected under the circumstances. But my happy life turned emotional nightmare was about to get worse. Erik was still listed as being in a relationship. (Note to Erik: She's gone man, give it up. It's time to face facts and move on. I have). This was a big problem for me, because apparently being listed as already in a relationship is enough for the staff of the facebook to deny a potential marriage request. My sense is that they are, as John McCain so eloquently put it in 2000, "agents of intolerance." Who are they to tell me that I can't marry a man already in a relationship? If there really is a war on marriage, the facebook is fighting back.***

But I digress.

I should take this time to remind you that I was still heartbroken at having just ended my relationship with Deanna,**** and was now facing the dream-crushing reality that I would not be able to marry Erik (without, you know, getting him to change his status first). In my despair, I turned for comfort to the person who I knew for certain would always give me a soft landing. I married Kyle.

And to my everlasting joy, he said yes.

The next day I opened my facebook account to find a note from a high school friend with whom I've lost touch.

"booke! whats up buddy... married now i see. is it true? congrats!"

"Uh oh," I thought, "better hide that news feed as well before this gets out of hand."

I did, and moved on with my day, comfortably certain that I had nipped that potentially embarrassing/confusing situation in the bud.

The next day I signed on again, this time to a message from a college friend.

"You look so happy together."

Look so happy together? Wait...what?

And then I scrolled up. To my profile picture. The one of Bryce and I. Smiling. Together. Where I am embracing him from behind. In tuxedos. In a church.*****

At which point I started laughing hysterically.

The end.


p.s.- Since then I have gotten two more priceless wall posts, also from an old friend:

first post: "um, did I just read on your profile you are married???? um...que paso?"

second post: "wait that is a dude, OK, so your not married... But you are in a 559 area code, i guess we have some catching up to do =)"

Hahahahahahahahahaha.

Life is great.






*Seinfeld. Still sorely missed.
**Which also doesn't make it any less fun to call them quitters.
***I'm pretty sure that's what they use the money for from selling gifts.
****Albeit only on the facebook. Hi Deanna!
*****She's right, we do look happy in that picture.

It's Giuliani Time!

My new buddy Karen* (yes, the funny engineering video Karen) reminded me of my project to talk about each one of the oh-so-many 2008 candidates for POTUS. The problem with that little project, as I see it, is that so many of them are so obviously lackluster. I mean...Romney? Really? President? How am I supposed to write an entire post about that?

But I'd still like to finish it. So here is my post for "America's Mayor," Rudy Giuliani.

As a rule, trite poilitical attack names (Slick Willy, Shrub, Al Bore) are created simply because they are catchy. At times they have some sort of foundation in truth ("The Decider" comes to mind), but for the most part they are only useful for making someone look childish (although it's debatable whether the person using the name is, in fact, the childish one).

In the case of Rudy Giuliani, the label "President of 9/11" is not only catchy, but actually seems to be 100% accurate. Has anyone, any single person, actually heard him talk about something that wasn't A)Iraq, B)Iran, C)9/11, or D)Terrorism? I mean, really. I'm not saying that these aren't important issues (although I could make that argument). I'm saying that, outside of his argument that we are all going to die if we don't invade more countries(!), he really doesn't have anything going for him. And since I don't find that argument convincing...well, you get the picture.

You could say that, even though he doesn't talk about it much, running New York shows his capability for the job. But New Yorkers don't seem to like him very much.

Actually, whether it's "America's Mayor" Rudy, or "President of 9/11" Rudy, this is really going to hurt his case. Not only do these New Yorkers not like him, they also think he did a really terrible job with 9/11. Ouch.

I think I'll leave it at that. Talking about what Giuliani would do to the Constitution is a sure way to find myself in a paranoid depression.

*Karen was kind enough to send me this not at all doctored picture. My shocked face represents my fear that Giuliani is about to lecture me on how afraid I should be that anyone else might win the election.

PG-13 Blogging: Some Mild Sexual Content

"Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol plays on MTV Mexico in the background of the restaurant.

Friend: Ugh. Why do people like this song?

Me: Sabe. (Spanish for "who knows?")

Friend: It's on all of the time.

Me: Yeah, I just don't get it. It's not even catchy. Just...long and boring.

Friend: I have a theory about this actually, but it's very Freudian.

Me: Freudian?

Friend: Yeah, I developed it after Death Cab's "Transatlanticism" became really popular.

Me: I like that album. And I really like that song.

Friend: Me too, but it's very Freudian.

Me: Ok, explain.

Friend: People like things that are very repetitive and then climax.

Me: Hahahahahahaha